I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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