I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's shark week go big or go home
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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