All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
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He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
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I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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