Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
