Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
