Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My day in three words: secret purse cake
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize