I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
