I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
