those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
