He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize