batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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