Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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