I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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