were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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