Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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