Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
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Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
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Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving