So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies