i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.