Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.