My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.