Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
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He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night