You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
