Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
