I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
