hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
