Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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