First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
