eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
