after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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