you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
