I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize