I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
