come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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