so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
