I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
