My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my shit smells like andre
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
