the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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