Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
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"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
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I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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