dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
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You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
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I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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