I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
