just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
