Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
