Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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