I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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