ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize