goodnight i made you a song goodbye
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
