I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I want to be your penis for a week.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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