I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
