The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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