break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
