in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize