is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize