took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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