when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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