I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
