A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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