Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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