I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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