I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
