Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
