I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
this beer tastes like vomit already
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
