DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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