so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
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I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
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I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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