i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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