Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
