the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
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We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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