We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
