Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
