you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
